-->The transcript of my rejected article on Jason Nesmith's career.

Dear Contributor,

The editors at Science Future Magazine appreciate your interest in our publication. Per our policy we read all unsolicited manuscripts, and are grateful for the time each contributor spends on our behalf. Unfortunately, we cannot publish every one's work.

Our magazine tries to maintain its focus solely on science related matters. We found your article on Galaxy Quest star Jason Nesmith, though extremely interesting, not pertinent to the scientific research we pride ourselves on. Though we found it inappropriate for our publication, we look forward to your next submission.

We suggest you should try submitting this article to any of the collectibles or memorabilia magazines in the market, for instance our sister publication, TV Memorabilia Digest.

Good luck, and keep up the good work.

Sincerely Yours,

Douglas Wade
Submissions Editor
Science Future Magazine

LET'S SEE WHO'S LAUGHING NOW... MR. WADE. I'll be going to the premiere in Los Angeles. Were will you be going, Science Future Loser?

Science Future Magazine? NOT! More like Science "I Wouldn't Even Read If I Were In An Isolation Tank" Magazine!!!

"He's a movie star, not a scientist," he said when I called Wade after he sent me this veiled invictive. "He hasn't made ANY CONTRIBUTIONS to science," he said. How wrong can this cretin DOUGLAS WADE be??? It makes me want to scream, ram my pentium crushing unix box down his throat.

Jason Nesmith, in fact, has redefined the very term of scientific investigation. As an actor-dilitante, Mr. Nesmith, working on his ART, has set the groundwork for life-changing scientific breakthroughs that no one can even fathom right now.

Time will prove me right. And when it does, I WILL NOT ALLOW THOSE IMPERTINENT FOOLS AT SCIENCE FUTURE MAGAZINE (OR SHOULD I SAY, SCIENCE MORON RAG-ZINE), USE ANY OF WMY WORK ON THE GREAT, LEGENDARY, TRUE VISIONARY HERO, MR. JASON NESMITH!!!

COMMAND DECK

By Travis Latke

No actor in Hollywood has had a more far-reaching, stratosferic, astonishing, mind-numbing career as Jason Nesmith, the star, heart and soul of the legendary, though now cancelled, groundbreaking show, GALAXY QUEST.

Being in the presence of Mr. Nesmith is like being next to one of the great men of our century. I don't think he would feel out of place if he were in a dinner party with the likes of Einstein, John F. Kennedy, Elvis, Martin Luther King and Maghatma Gandhi.

For as many memorable, block-busting roles he has played in the big and small screens, none has suited his persona better than Captain of the intrepid USEA PROTECTOR.

Commander Taggart, as I jokingly call him during my phone interview conducted last August 17, 1998 is a humble man who chides away from any publicity. "How did you get this number?" He asks me before we set out on a jocular ride down memory lane.


"I used to be someone. I've made box-office hits ," He tells me, " I was in a film with someone who won an Oscar! Why should I be talking to a pissant like you?" In all honesty, Mr. Nesmith is right. My humble apologies, Commander. Someone of his stature should not be wasting his time with small fry like me. I mean, any of the major studios could be sending a limo his way so he can star in their next BIG ACTION PICTURE. Or NASA might want to consult him on the launching of its next space probe.

Speaking of action, I told Mr. Nesmith that, since I was a kid, I've always slept with my Jason Nesmith's ManCrusher 5 Action Figure. "Hell, I never got a cent for that. Those sneaky bastards ripped me off like you couldn't believe. Those doll is mine, you hear me? You owe me $18.99, you hear that?"


What a jokester! No one knows that Mr. Nesmith, or Jay as he's called by his inner circle (your humble scribe being one of the blessed), is a man with a great sense of humor, always ready with the easy joke, the witty remark. "What do you want?" He says over the phone, "Do I owe you any money? If I don't, then leave me alone. If I do, leave me alone too. Don't call here again!!!"

Touché!! "Of course I won't, Jay," I told him, "You're in Tallahassee for a convention. I'll call you at home in Reseda when you get back. Perhaps we can go out for Yogurt together." He grunts with excitement. "By the way," I told him, "I talked to your ex-wife and she said to ask you about her checks, 'ask that bastard if the cat drank my alimony again,' she said."


For some reason then, the line went dead. I called back the hotel only to find out that something terrible happened and mr Nesmith was asked to go to the police station, probably to help them solve some crimes. The next day, to my dismay, I read in the paper that Mr. Nesmith had been in fact arrested "Drunken and Disorderly Behavior" and destroying private property. Obviously it is his cover for when he goes in secret mission for one of many government agencies that consult him one a wide-range of matters.

When I caught up with him next, I asked him about his government work. "Yeah, I played a CIA operative in GOD'S THUGS back in 1988. That was a stinker... not even my mother saw it. Went to video, and no one saw the video." That's just not true, Jay. In fact, I rented it so much that the Owner of ONE VIDEO gave it TO ME as a token for my MOST FAVORED CUSTOMER STATUS. I also played an informant in 1993 working with the FBI in BULLETS ARE FOREVER. I press him for the real scoop, but the professional agent that he is, he never puts his front down. What a hero!


"Jay, what was the most rewarding moment in your Galaxy Quest career?" I finally ask. Without missing a beat he shoots back: "Well, Trav. I would have to say it was when I got my last paycheck." What a GUY. And after my relentless interview, only one things is left to say about this legendary man, BY GRABTHAR'S HAMMER... JASON NESMITH IS A REALLY REALLY ROCKING DUDE!!!!


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